Expires 10th December, 2022
Director – Talmage Cooley
Year – 2009
Chase Revere manages Patriotville’s history museum, the run-down town’s sole tourist attraction. Having inherited a love of history from his late mother, Chase happily devotes most of his free time to maintaining the museum’s exhibits, directing reenactments on the site of a Revolutionary War battle, and preparing a proposal to expand the museum. His friend Digs, who has devoted himself to having sex with as many high school girls as possible, is disgusted at this and wants Chase to join him on the dating scene.
A group of Native Americans arrive in town, taking up temporary residence in the hotel run by Chase’s father, to consider setting up a casino in Patriotville. They negotiate with the town government for a bribe by threatening to have the casino built in Sulfur Falls instead. Feeling the town needs the casino to keep from going bankrupt, the mayor resorts to taking $1,000,000 out of various town projects to fund the bribe.
Chase spots a girl, Lucy, trying to get into her father’s car. She sets the interior on fire and convinces Chase to give her a ride away from the scene before he realizes what’s happening. Lucy comes from Sulfur Falls and tracked her father to Patriotville after he abandoned Lucy and her mother for another woman. Though she claims to be after a family heirloom that her father took, Chase intuits that Lucy is obsessed with her father. Intrigued, he asks for her phone number.
Digs, whose father is on the town council, tells Chase about the casino deal. Chase is incensed even before learning that the proposed building site is the historical battlefield, believing that the casino will desecrate the town’s culture. Digs also advises against dating Lucy, since his cousin dated her and says she is resolutely chaste. Chase and Lucy’s first date seems to go well, but she firmly refuses his request for a kiss.
Chase and Lucy start a petition to put the casino issue to a vote. They meet opposition from both the government and the general citizenry, who seem convinced that the casino’s financial benefits outweigh the battlefield’s historical value. They tear up their fliers, call upon legal technicalities to shut down their protests, make threatening phone calls, vandalize their houses, print news articles describing them as communists, and fire Chase from the museum. Chase’s father is unsupportive, and seemingly pays no attention to anything Chase says. Chase and the Native Americans maintain their budding friendship, expressing mutual respect even in their disagreement.
The mayor’s wife confronts Chase and Lucy with a selfie of Lucy and the mayor having sex. A deflated Chase walks away in silence. Digs tries to stifle Chase’s hopes of reconciliation by psychoanalyzing Lucy, saying her affair with the mayor is undoubtedly part of a pattern of having sex with older men and breaking the hearts of would-be “saviors” like Chase in a subconscious act of revenge against her father.
The mayor’s wife tape records the mayor discussing the casino bribe and gives the tape to Lucy in retribution for his philandering. Lucy finds Chase and confesses that, much as Digs suspected, the mayor is the third married man in a position of authority who she had an affair with, but also says that she is giving up this behavior. They then have sex. She shows him the tape, and he tells her to bring it to a rally they have planned. An agent facilitating the casino deal is listening in and tells the mayor. He finds Lucy and offers to trade her father’s address for the tape. Lucy gives over the tape while Chase is humiliated at the rally outside, playing for time in hopes of Lucy arriving with the tape.
Chase finally realizes that Lucy does not really care about him, that the casino’s victory gave just about everyone in town what they wanted, and that he has a larger role in life than safeguarding Patriotville’s “minor league” history. The Native Americans depart from Patriotville after receiving the $1,000,000 bribe and giving Chase a new name, “Chase with Plenty Horses”, meaning he will go far. While cleaning their room, he finds actors’ makeup and a wanted poster which clue him in that the “Native Americans” are actually con men. They left him a car as a gift, which he packs with his belongings and drives out of town. After the revelation that Patriotville is not really getting a casino, the mayor and his cohorts are imprisoned for the abuse of town funds.
Director – Jay Chandrasekhar
Year – 2018
Cannot remember much of the first film but if anything like this then I need to re-watch it soon.
Several years after the first film, the officers have been fired from the Spurbury Police Department after taking Fred Savage on a ride-along that resulted in his death. Farva (Heffernan) is now a construction supervisor, with Mac (Lemme) and Rabbit (Stolhanske) working for him. Thorny (Chandrasekhar) works in logging, and Foster (Soter) is living with his girlfriend and former coworker, Spurbury Police Chief Ursula Hanson (Coughlan). Mac receives a call from his former boss, Captain O’Hagen (Cox), to gather the group and meet for a fishing trip in Canada.
Once the group arrives, they find that O’Hagen’s intention had been for them to have a meeting with Vermont Governor Jessman (Carter). She explains that during a recent land survey, it was discovered that land in Canada was originally designated for the US. Canada has agreed to hand over the land, and Gov. Jessman needs to set up a police department to take over from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in the region. She invites the group to become state troopers again, with the promise that they will become full-time officers should they succeed at this task.
At a reception for the police officers, they meet the town mayor, Guy Le Franc (Lowe), the Canadian Mounties they’ll be replacing (Labine, MacArthur, and Sasso), and cultural attaché, Genevieve Aubois (Chriqui). The Americans are received poorly by the townspeople, who wish to remain Canadian. The next day, Foster and Mac accompany the Mounties on their patrol to meet the local townspeople, where they are attacked in Le Franc’s strip club. Thorny and Rabbit are tasked with replacing metric road signs with their U.S.-equivalent measurements, and Farva is assigned as the dispatcher.
Thorny and Rabbit encounter several young children under the influence of drugs. They ask the kids to lead them to where they found the drugs, and arrive at an abandoned lake house where they encounter unmarked pills and counterfeit cell phones. The next day, the Canadian Mounties play a prank on the Vermont State Troopers by releasing a bear into their station. In retaliation, the State Troopers kidnap the Mounties and release them in the woods. They then don Mountie uniforms, and attempt to discredit their Canadian counterparts by performing pranks on the people they pull over. However, their pranks are cut short when Le Franc reveals that he will use the serious crime of impersonating an officer to keep the territory from becoming American.
The State Troopers, realizing that they will not be given their original jobs after failing at this task, intend to return to America. During a botched highway stop, Farva and Mac encounter another cache of drugs and cell phones, as well as AK-48 rifles. The troopers realize that these items are all more valuable in the U.S. than in Canada, and that someone has been planting these items around the town in preparation for the turnover to the U.S, to avoid having to cross the border. Back at the station, Genevieve, who has been flirting with Rabbit, arrives, and the two begin to have sex, only to be attacked and carried-off. The rest of the State Troopers learn about Rabbit’s kidnapping by reviewing his dash-cam, and suspect the Canadian Mounties are involved.
Using a cell-phone triangulator on the counterfeit phones, the State Troopers arrive at a sawmill. They encounter the Mounties, only to realize the Mounties had suspected the State Troopers as the drug smugglers. Guy Le Franc reveals himself as the leader of the smuggling operation, and has captured Genevieve and Rabbit and tied them to a board placed on the saw. Genevieve reveals herself to be a double-agent working for Le Franc, and the groups engage in a shootout. The State Troopers and Mounties are successful, and Rabbit is rescued. Le Franc and his employees are arrested, and Genevieve reveals that she is actually Andrea Spooner, and part of the Ontario Provincial Police and is working undercover.
Gov. Jessman arrives to congratulate the officers in their success. At a press conference, the Canadian Mounties congratulate their American counterparts, and give praise for their efforts. Gov. Jessman announces that, due to the hidden contraband, the territory will remain in Canadian control for the time being, causing both nations’ officers to insult each other and begin brawling once again.
In a mid-credits scene, body-cam footage is shown from the ill-fated ride along with Fred Savage. The police officers have been called to rescue a cat out of a tree. After Fred Savage learns that their job entails them calling the fire department for the rescue, he begins climbing the tree to rescue the cat himself. He falls out of the tree and manages to land safely, only to be hit and killed by the arriving firetruck.
In a post-credits scene, Farva blends his pinky toe into a smoothie and drinks it straight out of the blender, the result of losing a bet with Rabbit during the movie.
Director – Chris Koch
Year – 2000
This definitely falls into the categories of films I purchased due to who was in it rather than it’s merit. It’s not terrible.
The film opens with a narration by Hal Brandston, (Mark Webber) explaining how a snowflake is formed. The film changes to his father, a news reporter, Tom Brandston, (Chevy Chase) giving the weather report before walking away backstage, annoyed with his job, before seeing another reporter, Chad Symmonz, (John Schneider) who tries to be better than Tom, giving a false report on a forecast; this makes Tom resent him even further. The film then changes to Hal, trying to get noticed by Claire Bonner (Emmanuelle Chriqui), a girl that he really likes. After he slips and falls in a swimming pool, Hal notices Claire’s anklet, with a whale insignia, at the bottom. He swims over and grabs it, wanting to return it to her, but he expresses that he is too shy to talk to her. The film then changes focus to a group of elementary school students, led by Hal’s sister, Natalie (Zena Grey), who wants to have a snow day. She hits her school’s principal, Principal Weaver, with a snowball. (This becomes a running gag, quite literally, where he gets hit with numerous snowballs by unseen kids and gets no help from onlookers). When Natalie wishes for it to snow that night, Tom notices a huge snow storm that will happen overnight, proving Chad’s forecast wrong.
Waking up the next morning, Natalie notices snow all over town, and all the kids cheer, after their school is announced to be closed for a snow day (much to Principal Weaver’s dismay). Right before she goes outside, Natalie notices a mean snowplow driver, who the kids call “Snowplow Man” (Chris Elliott), plowing the streets. Meanwhile, Hal tries to win the heart of Claire, while still trying to return her anklet, with the help of his best friend, Lane Leonard (Schuyler Fisk), who secretly harbors feelings for him. Back at the Brandston home, Hal and Natalie’s workaholic mother, Laura Brandston (Jean Smart), are stuck at home with Hal’s mischievous younger brother, Randy, who is bored to death and wants to go play in the snow.
Natalie and her friends, Wayne (Josh Peck) and Chet (Jade Yorker), build an igloo, but it is quickly destroyed by the Snowplow Man, who gets revenge on them for hitting him with a snowball. They eventually come up with a plan to take over the plow and move all the snow back in the streets so they could have a second snow day. They use Wayne as bait by pouring ketchup on him and having him pretending to be dead. As the Snowplow Man checks out the scene, Natalie and Chet steal his bird, Trudy, so Snowplow Man kidnaps Wayne, wanting an exchange for his bird. After he refuses to give them an extra snow day, but still returning Wayne and the bird, Natalie decides that extreme measures need to be taken.
After trying to talk to Claire many times, even going to her house, only to see that everyone found out about her break-up with her mean and ill-tempered boyfriend, Chuck Wheeler (David Paetkau), Hal decides to see how things end up between them. He and Claire share a look after she and Chuck ride away on Chuck’s snowmobile. Hal decides to try another way of getting her attention – by going to the skating rink, and Lane lures the boring DJ announcer (Iggy Pop) into the bathroom. Hal takes advantage of the stereo system and talks to Claire, in front of everyone, and Chuck, who views Hal as a target for his “House Of Pain”. Later, Hal tries again to get Claire’s attention by making a whale-shaped figure in the snow with a shovel (only to learn she likes zebras). Chuck finds him though, while following Claire, and tries to attack Hal, but he reveals he is not afraid of him. Hal runs and jumps on Chuck’s snowmobile, riding away into the woods, with Chuck and his followers gaining on him. But Chuck is quickly outsmarted and lands in a kid’s snowman.
Elsewhere, Tom is reports at a snow sledding hill and at an ice-sculpting contest. After noticing a statue of Chad, which infuriates him so much, he tries to take the sculpting kid’s ice pick, intending on destroying the statue. But when it falls, Chad begins humiliating Tom, so Tom tries asking Chad where snow comes from. Chad, trying to save himself, slowly ends up revealing that he is a fraud. The crowd calls him a loser, and he leaves for good, after the crowd cheers Tom’s name, bringing his career back up.
That night, Natalie and Chet reveal that they gathered all the kids in town to confront the Snowplow Man, as he makes his way to the last snow covered street. They all tie him up, and he insults them after they laugh at him. They leave him tied up, as everyone goes to cover the roads. Knowing he is defeated, the Snowplow Man accepts his fate, and calls to his bird. Later, Hal soon realizes he loves Lane instead of Claire; he is even encouraged by Claire to go after her. After one last stand to Chuck, and almost being beaten senseless, Natalie plows right into Chuck, who gets covered in snow, unable to get out, and rescuing Hal in the process. Hal finally admits to Lane that he loves her and they share a kiss. Natalie is happy that her and her friends finally got a second snow day, and they drive the plow away. Laura takes the day off from work to look after Randy, even playing in the snow with him. Having found new paths in their lives, the Brandstons, Lane, and Claire are finally happy.
When Principal Weaver gets home, thinking he is safe, the kids (who somehow got into his house), hit him with a lot of snowballs as he cries in defeat and the film ends.
Director – Eric Amadio
Year – 2007
Christopher and Leslie are a couple in their mid to late 20s who have no-strings-attached sex on a regular basis. After another get-together, they debate and argue over the meaning of their relationship and the nature of sex vs. love, with each of them claiming that the other is the only one developing feelings, before both finally say “I love you” to each other.
Freddy and Jay are a pair of college guys who, after having sex, argue over Jay refusing to admit that he is gay until Freddy tells him about his teenaged years of hidin g his homosexuality out of fear of being shunned, and tells Jay that he cannot be honest with others about his sexual orientation before he is honest with himself.
Kristy and Sam are a teenaged couple, both of whom have just had sex for the first time in Kristy’s bedroom, and after some small talk, Sam has to hide when Kristy’s mother, Janet, shows up for a talk about sex with Kristy.
Nikki and Kat are two college roommates who are in a casual sexual relationship where Nikki allows Kat to perform oral sex on her, but insists that she is not a lesbian and only likes the oral sex because Kat performs it better than a guy. During their visit to the campus library, Kat admits to Nikki that she really is a lesbian, but is comfortable with hiding the fact from her strict parents.
Trudy and Gene are a middle-aged, interracial couple who have sex in a nature park, and during the walk back, talk about how they first met at an orgy during the “sexual revolution” of the 1970s and about their children who seem not to understand their active sexual lifestyle.
Neil and Bob are a closeted 30-something gay couple who have sex in Neil’s apartment. Afterwards, Neil drives Bob home to his house, where during the drive, they discuss their roles as gay men in a relationship and who is the “butch” and the “bitch”, since they both have different backgrounds and careers. The next day, Neil is revealed as the lead singer in a hair rock band, and Bob is a high school football coach.
David and Jordy are an ex-couple who have met at a cheap motel for sex where David defends his infidelity and womanizing as the person that he is, while Jordy is a troubled woman who cannot seem to let go of her ex, despite her knowledge of his unapologetic cheating.
Marco and Alanna are two strangers who have sex after meeting at a nightclub; afterwards they arrive in Marco’s loft, where they learn more about each other, but Marco is soon disturbed about the dull-witted Alanna’s admission of being a high-priced escort and of her love for sex with strangers for money.